I have been complaining about this since yesterday morning, and I think I am going to hold a grudge all the way til the movie opens in December: I really hate the new title for the third Hobbit movie. The Battle of the Five Armies. It's long and not at all poetic as the previously known There and Back Again. Why did Peter Jackson choose it? I scratched my head for an answer, and I can't come up with one.
Stupid movie titles are not rare. There will be at least 10% of the movies released in a year that sound stupid even by looking at their titles alone. Curiously though, some movies with bad titles turn out to be good in quality, but it is very rare. Here I take a look at some stupid titles and rank them in terms of stupidity.
Disclaimer: I only include movies I have at least heard of. If you google "movies with bad titles" you will get multiple websites that have such list, and most of them are US and UK based. Some movies on those lists, however, sound very straight-to-video or so low profile they never made it to this part of the world.
Top 10 Movies with Bad Titles
(10) The Men Who Stare at Goats: Yes, I know. It is supposed to be a silly satirical movie, and indeed the story involves George Clooney's ability to stare at goats til they collapse (the goats collapse, not the human... see the silly part yet?). But still, they seriously can't give the movie a better title at the same time of being descriptive as well?
Other similar offenders: Salmon Fishing at the Yemen (also starring Ewan McGregor), and Hot Tub Time Machine
(9) Silver Linings Playbook: This kind of titles are the opposite of #10. If movies in #10 give away story lines too easily, these group of movies make us scratch our heads to relate the movies to their titles. What the heck is the silver linings in this movie? Whose playbook and where the heck is the playbook? Seriously, WHAT?
Other similar offender: How Do You Know (no, I didn't throw you a question, that was a movie title)
(8) Octopussy: No, this is not some stupid spoof movies (even spoof movies have relatively normal titles like Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans). This is actually the thirteenth entry in the James Bond film series. But the title makes it sounds like a porn movie. I'm sorry, was this word considered cool in the 80s?
Other similar offenders: Not as silly as Octopussy, but Thunderball and GoldenEye are not so inspiring as well
(7) Mr. Magorium's Wonderful Emporium: If you are going to make a children movie and you want the title to be kid-friendly, rhyme is not a bad idea. But seriously, Magorium? Even the weirdest dude won't name themselves Magorium. Plus, kids can't say your movie title if it is too long. Cut it short and simple.
Other similar offenders: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Mr. Popper's Penguins
(6) Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squekquel, Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked: I understand both are supposed to be clever wordplay but somehow I'm not amused. This is the risk of wordplay, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Other similar offenders: Gnomeo & Juliet, Little Fockers
(5) The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: They could have stopped at Jesse James but they didn't. Why would you name your movie with such a long title when you know eventually people will just call it "that Jesse James movie" or "that Robert Ford thing"? Don't ever do that.
Other similar offenders: To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar; The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain
(4) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: This falls in the same category as the new Hobbit movie, uninspiring title (and uninspiring movie itself). The problem I'm trying to highlight here is that if you are a franchise, try to stick to the naming convention, Temple of Doom and The Last Crusade sound simple and nice, can't they just name the fourth film Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?
Other similar offender: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (if they insist on this title, can they at least shorten it to only The Five Armies?)
(3) Anything with Tyler Perry in front of it: I can only interpret it as you have such a big ego you have to put your brand onto the movie titles. Seriously, if everyone starts doing it what will happen to our movie industry? We will start calling movies "Steven Spielberg's Movie #13" or "Martin Scorsese's 2010 Production" to save time.
(2) Any sequel that tries to be smart and incorporate numbers into the title as text: Example, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Why Do I Get Married Too (Tyler Perry, strike 2). If it doesn't make any sense to the title, just do it like everyone else and put the damn number at the end.
(1) Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole: If you are not a franchise, stop putting a colon into your title and make a subtitle that is not at all necessary. Stick to the first part or the second part, that's enough.
Other similar offender: Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire
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